My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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