Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
