This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
