mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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