i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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