to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
