I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So much Jack, so little girl.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
