I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
