I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
