she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
