haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
