pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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