I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
