girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
