Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
