the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
