the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
