Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
