There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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