He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
