i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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