I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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