were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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