Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
