honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
