he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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