I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
