the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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