Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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