My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
