I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
