Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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