she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize