He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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