I puked a lego.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
