Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
