Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
