you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
