Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
