Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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