maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
