she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
