See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
