if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
