note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
