I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
