I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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