we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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