Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
