I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize