No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
