so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
