Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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