Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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