I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
