I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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