I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
