Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
