our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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