I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
