Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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