I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
