Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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