Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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