my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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