I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
