So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize