I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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