You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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