Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
