you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
