I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
