The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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