no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize