I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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