Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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