this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
