i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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