We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
