in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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