i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
