He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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