I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
