Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
