you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
