A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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