where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
