wakey wakey hands off snakey
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
its liver damage thursday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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