how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
