we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
