I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
