You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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