a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
